Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Read between the lines.

JFG: my colleague heard back from his recent ex
he asked me to help him figure it out
i went over and he let me read her email
and basically she said that HE must be confused because she didn't break up with him bc she met someone else, she broke up with him because she doesn't love him.
she said it over. and over. in the email
i don't love you.
.

Kent:
.

JFG
: so i finish reading it and turn around to him and he says
"so what do you think it means."

Kent
: omg. amazing.

JFG
: i know!
so i said
"well, i think it was thoughtful of her to respond, she definitely took a lot of time to write this, but.."
"i think what she said was clear..."
and he looked at me, then looked down.
said quietly "thanks."
and i walked out of his office!
SO AWK.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Free spirit.

Weddings. Tears, flowers, and waves ruining bridesmaid dresses.

Kent: how was the miami wedding?

CEF:
omg. i made out with a groomsman.

Kent
: did you roll in the sand
did you get the jank bridal dress wet

CEF
: yes and YES

Kent
: WHOA

CEF
: i was like christ how do i dry this thing?
so i put it over a lampshade when i finally made it back to my room i was sharing with my parents at 2am
the next morning my dad picked it up and was like "sweaty..."
i was like "err... yeah i danced A LOT"

Kent:
this is the best story i've ever heard.

It could've been worse. Apparently, the unknowing groomsman rolled about the waves with his mobile in his pants pocket. Rough.

Lesson learned? When attending weddings, best to contact CEF for words of advice to have the MOST fun possible. Email me direct for her twitter handle. She prefers to work through direct messaages.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Cheryl Cole.

If you aren't familiar, you've not lived. That's all.



Ps. She's performing my birthday.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Footwear imitates life?

Shoe choice, and planning of, is key to business meetings and professional growth decisions. See below:


JFY: i finished my resume and had my colleague look at it

Kent: mhm ... what will you do with it now

JFY: well i'm having coffee with my mentor on monday to talk about the transition
he wanted to meet today or friday
but today my hair is jank
and tomorrow i want to wear flats.
and my mentor is very tall.
so we're meeting on monday.

Kent:
seems like most rational choice to me.



Lesson: Preparing the resume is step one. Outfit/hair choice is step two - and most important. Please allow adequate time for decision making to include consultations with pals and/or haircut trims or blowouts.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Oh Banksy .. I do cherish you.

Banksy directs a dark opening for Simpsons. And accurately comments - with only animated visuals - on labor regulations, capitalism, consumerism, and society at large in less then 1 minute.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Friday, September 17, 2010

Uff Da.

Vocab lesson of the day. Remember to make a flash card to study for SATs!

AAW
: my friend majored in norwegian
but i'm not sure what you would do with it
besides say "uff da!" if you drop something

Kent: what does that mean!

AAW: uff da?
it means like...
ugh
i guess
it's used a lot
so if like an old person is getting out of a chair and it's a struggle, they might say "uff da!"
or if you do something you don't mean to do, you might mutter "uff da!"
or...
if maybe someone is telling you something bad, you could say "uff da!" to commiserate

Kent: ha!
this is amazing.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Livin' on the Radio.

Singing my life with her words.



Criss cross apple sauce she plays this live for me next week!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Chilled Chocolate Soup ... with Spinkles!

Reasons I love advertising copy.

JFY: the soup spot place was advertising chilled chocolate soup with sprinkles
i was excited
walked down with colleague
got three orders
1. they were out of sprinkles
2. it was just pudding!

Learned Lesson? The written word conveys best when offering sprinkles. Preferably, rainbow.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Lost in translation.

My pals are varied. From single ladies wearing Joe Ragans, to married couples with little ones, to gays designing up the voice of our generation, to custom tee shirt makers who sell the Free Steven Slater apparel, to hipster kids who take vitamins to alter their taste buds, to curators at Smithsonian museums, to Nat Geo workers who chat with Lisa Ling about weather in her parts of the world, to pilates instructors who make delish dirty ketel one marti's (one olive please).

I have major love and appreciation for each. But sometimes - just sometimes - I need a few minutes to process.

Kent: whats the dilly yo

AAW:
well i was supposed to go farming with a friend
but now i don't know if we are going
so
...
we probably won't have to move our hang out date
i'm just not sure when we would get back if we do

Kent:
farming?

AAW:
ha
yes
farming
well, work on a farm
we had it set up a couple of weeks ago
and now she's moving, so she's not sure if she has time to

Kent:
i dont understand
like free labor
or ...
like share cropping?

AAW:
yes, like free labor
no not share cropping

Kent:
do you get crops in payment?

AAW:
no i don't think so
i think it's just volunteering

Kent:
i see.

Lesson learned: This is why I write my calendar plans in pencil. A pal could cancel to go farming. Straight up FARMING.


Monday, August 16, 2010

Seconds, please.

JFY: there is this crazy woman who works at our front desk. today she is telling everyone that her daughter was nearly kidnapped this weekend from her camper.

she didn't call 911 because they were out of state and she didn' tknow 911 worked outside of the state.

.
.
.


Kent: this is amaze.

JFY: she said that the "kidnapper" started pulling her daughters legs from outside of the camper and she had to pull from inside.

so then she left her daughter with her husband and went on a search for the kidnapper.

she saw a woman who wouldn't make eye contact with her.

found a police officer (somehow, without calling 911) and reported that woman.

Kent: this has to be made up!

JFY: swear, its not.

she has cornered 3 of my colleagues

same story.

each time.

Speechless.

22 days until Lady Gaga concert. Hopefully, I'm not cycling during that time. I should probably start keeping track.


JFY
: you know, guys can get pms too
just without the mess
a time of the month when they are irritable, hungry and break out
maybs we are on the same cycle!


Some men may follow me, but you choose death and company.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Josh Rouse.

My appreciation and love for Josh Rouse's music is muy dificil to describe with my own words. Luckily, Ms. Celine Dion comes to my aid.

'you were my strength when I was weak
you were my voice when I couldn't speak
you were my eyes when I couldn't see
...
i'm everything I am'


Because you sing glorious tunes and strum a marvelous guitar that soothes and give me peace of mind.











Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Soap box.

Target supports anti-gay candidates. Link provided by Huffington Post.

Grandma boycotts Target for love of her gay children - Make it viral people.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Read between the gchat IM's.

My pal has begun expressing some thoughts that perhaps her dating partner isn't heaving his fair share of costs with regard to outings, gifts, meals, etc. However, her expressed love and sympathetic emotions impede her ability to bring out of the passive shadows her concerns.

Exchange between pal and pal's partner regarding pal's parents buying her the B&N Nook for her upcoming birthday.

Pal:
aw baby! you don't have to get me stuff like that, a card is all i want :)

Pal's Partner: haha .. okey

Now, pal's words to Kent.

Pal: WRONG.

BUY ME THINGS.

Kent: um then why did you say to him a card is enough?

Pal: ugh because im not supposed to say stuff like " well you missed out on that gift opportunity, but here's www.davidyurman.com"


This situation is similar to not registering for one's wedding. If you don't register, you'll end up with coasters showcasing your Chi Omega sorority sister's 2 and 4-yr old children in different idyllic poses. AKA? Trash.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Suspected youth.

Hermano y Futura Cuñada.


As Ms. Duff says, 'just do it with love, love, love, love.'

Always customize.

Dreams can be tricky. Sometimes they are your sub-conscious trying to bring to attention a deep rooted emotional issue. And sometimes they are just cray cray (read: crazy). Either way the intention, I highly enjoy having them and my pals whimsical tales. Such as below.


JFY:
we were in your apartment with random people, and you were doing my makeup because we were going to go to that Au Bon Pain place and pick up sandwiches for the randos.

you yelled at me because i didn't custom order my cheese (it came with provolone) and you said "WHO STAYS WITH THE PROVOLONE WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER CHEESE CHOICES?!"

So I got mozzarella... that was pretty much it.


Take away? Don't settle for standard. Always break the mold. Reinvent the wheel. etc. etc. (Insert all other cliches that are meant to inspire and motivate but because of overuse end up being meaningless. Oh, just like Eat. Pray. Love. Don't you have twins to take care of Julia? Get off my movie screen.)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Modern Day White Out

These days, we're tethered to our mobile devices. Quite literally sometimes. A lost smart phone could cause million dollar business deals to fall through. I maintain two BlackBerrys myself ; one for work and one for Kent. This constant connectedness with millions of open-ended conversations continuously ongoing can end with user confusion. A slip of the fingertip causes a misspelling and auto correct will fix your careless and lazy digit's faults. Or so you think.

For example, take the below email exchange between me and my boss:

Kent: Your 2:30pm tomorrow has been canceled and your 5pm moved to next week.

*Outlook ping and BB vibrate, nearly simultaneously*

Boss: Gay!!!

Kent (thinking to self): ...what the hell... is this a virtual hate crime? ... From MY BOSS?! I WILL SUE!!!

*ping/vibrate*

Boss: Oops! :) I meant Yay!!!


Perhaps we should all review our HR policies, with special attention paid to these pseudo-Freudian slips.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Tough love.

"Plenty of fish in the sea!" But what if I'm vegan [this week]? Navigating the waves of the dating scene is tricky - luckily, I've taken to water sports (no, not those kind) and excel at things like surfing, ocean kayaking, and body boarding. Snorkeling is TBD.

It's always best to talk with pals and discuss various dating situations. Sample excerpt is below.

BCD: He sounds like a complete tool and the opposite of you in every way.

*pause*

BCD: (no offense)

Lesson learned? Honesty is valued and vital from ones's pals. How else will we know if we've over bronzed?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Friday Preview.

My weekend is for Angelina Jolie, a W hotel surprise birthday bash, and this song.

Beluxury Fun.

A late night Las Vegas conversation.

Time: 1:30am on a Saturday night
Locale: Barstool sitting at Bellagio casino bar in Las Vegas. A gaggle of friends surround us with chatter about their evenings.

LS: "Kent, would you be friends with me if my lips looked like this?" (pursing)
Kent: no words

*Kent and LS proceed to talk with pursed lips for three hours in Bellagio casino, not a care in the world*


I'm still giggling from the memory. And I haven't stopped for months.

Friday, July 16, 2010

#makesmesmile

When will someone ask me?




Not that I care about marriage or anything. I mean it's just an archaic institution.

(I think I'm becoming more traditional as times goes on...)

What? Who said that? Someone has taken over my blog for sure.

Stay tuned.

Luckily and gratefully, this lady is part of my family.

LAW: well, my friend still hasn't let me know if i should expect them tomorrow morning so i texted just an hour ago to say "are you planning on coming tomorrow, i just need to know what i should plan for. our other friends is coming either way, so just let me know".

they texted back and said "i'm actually in the middle of writing you an email. stay tuned"

what the eff does that mean?

i just need a yes or no.

Monday, July 12, 2010

STFU.

JFY: so my colleague comes over

says:

"i need a week long vacation, i havent' had one since i went to spain last october and won't have another one until i go to paris this october"

.

.

bitch.

i have never 1. been out of the country

and 2. taken a week long vacation

even after my wedding

stfu.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

A dream. In 6 parts.

We attended a CB West reunion together - The 3 of us - Lori, Phillip and Jeff. The reunion took place in what seemed to be a similar layout of Unami Middle School sports fields and a mixture of the fields near the Womping Willows in Harry Potter that lead down to Hagrid's Hut, and ending with the Dark Forest/Trees at end of Unami Football field at the edge. At the base of the reunion tents were housing facilities similar to a stretch of Bard houses. We three stayed in an end unit with the extended Corolla-Solomon's Johnson/McDonnell family clan for the weekend. The time is early afternoon and it is pleasant outside with a hint of warm breeze.

We three strolled through the tents waving to people we know. We ended up sitting at a high top table with 3 chairs and our friends came up to say hi to us. My friends saying hi to me and Jeff's saying hi to him. Jeff and I both introduced Lori to all of our pals as they approached. Slowly, Jeff's football pals ended up circling us and making us the center of the conversation/party. Drinks are flowing - liquor drinks for me and beer for you two. We end up excusing ourselves to have family dinner in the house. It's a hustle-bustle sort of time and we throw ourselves in the work to help - similar to dinner time at Corolla. We are standing about when suddenly Lori and I (Jeff mysteriously has left the house) hear that there's a commotion outside - I have received texts that I need to come help my brother, Jeff. We sprint out of the house and go to the Whomping Willow backyard and hear the Jeff if fighting with a high school pal of his, which turns out to be an enemy. The two of them have unfinished business and they end of battling it out.

Lori is stricken with fear and looks to me for help. Murmurs circle me that I can't go after Jeff and enemy-pal since they've now entered the woods/Dark Forest and it's become nighttime - so who knows what could be happening. Still, I stand firm and exclaim I'm going after my brother and the that the football pals must come with me to support as clearly I can't do it on my own. So enter Jim Faganini, Jim Mitchell, and I think Phil DiGiacamo. We all sprint to the woods and break up into teams - Jim Mitchell comes with me. We enter the woods and immediately become entangled in some thorny vines which only strengthen their grip as we struggle to break free. We see Jeff run by chasing his enemy-pal (who know comes to resemble Tom Williamson). I feel safe knowing that Jeff seems to be winning the battle and we focus on slowly breaking ourselves free.

Finally, we are running again toward the noise. We approach a two story house which is missing the front and we can see into it clearly. Jeff and enemy-pal are on the top floor dueling when suddenly Jeff falls. And doesn't get up. A Hagrid like man creature is standing beneath the floor negotiating with enemy-pal. Tom Williamson, aka enemy-pal, looks me directly in the eye and says if you tell anyone, next time he'll kill him. Then he tosses Jeff's seemingly lifeless body out the frame and Hagrid-man catches him by the feet before he slams to the ground.

In a flash, we're back in the Bard-like town home waiting for Doctor's news on Jeff. I appear to be on the verge of hysterics and people are very cautious around me. We're left to assume Lori is in the room with the Doctor. The news comes - Jeff is alive but won't make it. He's been through too much.

I. Break. Down. Screaming. Hysterical convulsions.

The family tries to comfort me, to calm me down, but I want none of it. I want to be left alone to fall apart. Because strong is for drinks so I should go ahead and fall to pieces. I escape the family's grasp and run off into a stairwell. I'm lost. In an intricate system of hallways and dumb waiters (you know those old time small platforms that are like mini elevators for food?). I enter in one of those and pull myself up and unload into a FANCY suite. Lindsay Lohan walks by in the same blue outfit she was wearing just a few days ago. She is startled and I say how I loved her in Parent Trap. She calls for her Mom and they trot off. Her sister walks by me quickly and they call security. I scram away.

I'm outside now, Nana has found me. She says Lori has gone. We are searching for her and find her in the house that we were staying in - the Bard-like end unit. Lori entered the house to mourn and the house transformed into a much larger much fancier version, detached itself from the Bard unit and drifted into the sky where a hill grew up from the ground to support it. We all enter the house and Lori has made a mexican feast for all of us to share. She says that life goes on and we're all meant to live together in this home. Lori has snipped some muted yet bright yellow Lillies which are about 7 feet long and placed them in a same yellow colored vase in the living room corner. The vase is a floor vase and is very round throughout with a very tapered stubby opening at the top. The Lillies branch out into the room and emit the most pleasant smell - It seems as if the flowers will leave forever. And we all feel at peace in the home. Dinner begins.

_________


Then I wake up. This dream was dreamt this morning. I woke up at 7:33am. And I was convinced Jeff had died. I actually went back to sleep thinking that I'd need to take a personal day to mourn. I didn't wake up again until 8:35am - when I suddenly realized I was terribly late and my work BlackBerry was buzzing incessantly. I began my getting ready routine.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Life matters.

It's becoming quite evident to me that the majority of human conversations - at least Stateside - revolve around mundane chatter.

"How was your weekend?"

"It's a hot one today!"

"Do you have the time?"

I reject this common notion and prefer to focus my discussions with pals, colleagues, family, etc. on the more important matters in our respective relationships.

For example, a chat with a close pal o' mine:

JFY: so, please.
my colleagues's bday is sunday so we decided to get donuts and a dunkin donut gift card.
no one volunteered to get the donuts
so i have to drive 30 minutes out of my way to either get them tonight or tomorrow morning.
i mean really.
one of my colleague's lives right next to a dunkin store...
i have to drive to maryland to get them!

Kent: ha!
i love your office stories
they're so craze.

JFY: so craz
everything is such a dilemma!
then next week is another colleague's birthday
so i'm sure i'll have to do everything for that too
this is all bc our boss got me a gift card for my birthday
and now everyone expects one.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Reason #495 why I love CLB.

CLB: well yesterday i had 4 glasses of wine at a birthday party came home and threw up like an under aged drinker

i had to teach at 12 now im home thanking santa that they sell stouffers mac and cheese at cvs

oh honey i miss you too


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Goldsmith: An Envisionment

A grand pal of mine has been accepted to an ideal educational institution. I'd like to assist in the decision making process with some photographic consideration.


Terrace View: Where eyes lose focus to the mind.



Vast Greens: Yarding ideal for Bean.


A choice - for sure, one of many to come - to be verbalized, mentalized, discussedalized with Kent. Ultimately, the finale rests with the accepted and here at the Vent, we do hope to make the accepted feel most confident during these decisions.





Thursday, February 11, 2010

Josh Rouse.

Headline seems a bit wordy, eh? Truth is, I find any more wording to be superfluous and gaudy. His name carries enough importance and sophistication to stand alone. With that, have a listen.